Thi Hoang: Spiritual Excellence

My beloved Master and Teacher of Kundalini Yoga, Yogi Bhajan, taught me that I have five teachers: mother, father, extended family and caregivers, peers, and the spiritual teacher. The Spiritual Teacher, Yogi Bhajan said, we each have a chance to contact at least once in our lifetime and that the longing for our contact increases as we mature. When we experience the Spiritual Teacher's touch, we feel as if we have come home. Yogiji says, "this Teacher teaches us about our ego, our shadows, our real self and how to be humble. It often requires some process that challenges the ego and brings our established patterns of defensiveness to hit bottom or exaggerate until we experience the consequences. This chiseling to release the inner form of our consciousness is a sacred and thankless task. Spiritual excellence is an inner drive to be more than I am. Excellence is something I think is in all of us if we truly allow ourselves to experience and be taken by the experience, all the while surpassing the constant chattering of the mind's negativity.

Commitment and Sadhana

I never met Yogiji in the physical form yet his teachings touch me so deeply. I started my daily spiritual practice, sadhana, over 4 years ago and have not missed one day. He taught me what I lacked in my life was a strong commitment to myself. How is it possible that I could be there for anyone at the drop of a hat and yet I could not spend time everyday with mySelf? Is everyone more important than me? How is that possible? Do I not value mySelf? How about getting to know my Self for a change? So I tried it, I chose a yoga set and a meditation to do every day for 40 days. It's been over 4 years and I haven't gotten tired of getting to know my Self yet. It feels really good to spend time alone every morning before the sun rises. There is this sacredness of the hours between 4-6am. That purely selfish act of getting up and taking cold showers, and being awake when the world is asleep. Messages from afar arrive and I find myself receptive.

Connecting to the Higher Self

In my darkest moments, when I felt so lost and so emotionally out of control, I found my Spiritual Teachers. Or perhaps I was ready, and my teachers showed up. I was definitely ready and definitely looking. For what I don't know but all I do know is I could not go on like this. I was a mess, physically out of alignment with my body, emotionally erupting at the slightest situation, and mentally drained. I lost my connection to my higher self, I lost my sense of purity and perfection.

Authentic the Relationship to Self

It was 2002, at the end of a long-term relationship, I moved out and like a new born tiger cub, I reluctantly walked out into the wilderness called Los Angeles, to try out my skills of hunting and self- sufficiency. My best friend and boyfriend had sheltered me in my little world of Venice Beach: the land of sunshine, sandy beaches, and organic farmer markets.

It was a time of lost innocence. It was a whole new world out there being single and being alone. I had never felt so alone in the world. Even though I had a huge family with lots of brothers and sisters and loving parents, I had this inner desire, this strong drive to experience life to the fullest. I wanted to run away from everything that was comfortable. Perhaps it was a sense of rebellion of some sort or just a deep thirst for experience that drove me to this level of insanity. It was like I was stuck in a matrix, one that I somehow became entangled with. I had it all and yet I was so unhappy. I can recall those days with disdain. I felt like a liar and a fraud. I voluntarily sabotaged the vestiges of my so-called life. I destroyed it with a sledgehammer, efficient but not so graceful. I felt trapped. So, one night, I cried my eyes out and realized I didn't live my life for me. I lived it to please others. It was such a strong message that once revealed, I could not deny.
Hence, began the search for an authentic relationship with my Self. I relied so heavily on others and that I didn't realized the level of "spoiled" I truly lived. So, I started to rely on myself. It started with the small things like buying groceries and cooking for myself. Then I started to find things to interest me which slowly got me out of my own sense of depression. Setting goals and announcing them to friends really helped me build a sense of trust and responsibility to my word. I promised myself I'd pay off my school loans and be at "zero" within five years of graduating. I had over $55,000 in school loans and I worked several jobs simultaneously to pay them off.

Finally, I had a mission, I had a goal to keep me focused. Within a few years, I accomplished my goal of being debt-free so I set out more goals and created more challenges. With a strong sense of commitment and self discipline, I accomplished all my goals early! Now I know I was getting somewhere as my powers of manifestation became more and more apparent. Yogiji taught me commitment to the Self as a path to my own liberation as he said, "If you don't have self reliance, what do you have? You can cross the mountains, the oceans, the tragedies, the difficulties, the responsibilities, with only one thing, self reliance. Fear not, my dear ones: the antidote for fear is self-reliance."

Meditate on Self

As my beloved Yogiji was not around to highlight my ego and its shadows, I trusted my intuition and fine and higher heart frequency's discernment. Another wonderful teacher, Dr. Mikio Sankey always taught me to sit in silence and to still the heart. In that stillness all truth is known. Dr Sankey says we don't need a Guru or to follow anyone outside of our Self. We know everything if only we can tap into that silence, that space of eternal truth. I have to say, it wasn't easy. There was simply too much noise in my life. Cleaning up my act, developing an authentic relationship, and listening to my heart has really taken me to a different level of existence.

I don't feel I am surviving any more, I feel like I am thriving, making conscious decisions in life to live each day to the fullest potential possible. I began to meditate every day. Yogiji says, "Meditations is a duty toward the self. The moment you become aware of the self, you become beautiful to self because the moment you concentrate on self, your frequency changes and the universe around you changes also. This is a cosmic law."

Be the Observer

It is so true, I became the observer, I got out of my own way and allowed the Universal Consciousness, Ek Ong Kar (One God), the Godhead to take over. I simply allowed the One to work through me, I became like a vessel, a channel for all good to come through and be manifested on this 3-D plane called Earth. This senseless need of DOING. achieving, performing became exhausting. I simply couldn't keep up with myself. That's when I just had to let go of the reigns. I realized in the moment of releasing of my responsibilities that there was another captain to this ship. It was GOD.
As if I had simply stopped swimming in a vast sea, I simply floated and allowed myself to be breathed into. The pavon, the prana, the life force which floats on each molecule of air, took over as it did not want to perish either. The only difference is I stopped TRYING! I just surrendered. I put my gears into neutral and simply cruised. I just floated on the surface as happy as can be and spending very little energy. When my mental mind realized this passive yet awakened state, I became ecstatic! I can just BE me. I don't have to DO anything.

Surrendering to Love

I met my Spiritual Teacher/Guru H.H. Sai Maa Lakshmi Devi in the fall of 2005. When I thought life couldn't get any better, I was led to the high frequency of the American Himalayas~ the great American Rockies. In the high altitude of Vail, Colorado, I met my Guru, my Spiritual Teacher, who brought me from darkness to light. She is a beautiful lady, gracious, generous, kind, and compassionate. Her presence moved me and her words bathed me in this golden light that made me fuzzy inside. It was the Divine Mother's love I spent all my life looking for. She embodied the mother's love I was so hungry for. She embraced me with such a deep love that was felt in every cell of my body. She loved me for just being me. She saw me for all that I was and still loved me. Is this what unconditional love is? Each time I see my Maa, I am instantly transformed. I know I don't need a Guru in my life but it sure helps transform me quickly. My Guru held me in pure space, with complete unconditional love, that her love was so great that I just melted into purity. All the personality, the defenses simply gave way to radiant light. My Guru showed me my path back to Source simply by loving me. I am not different, I am not apart, I am not less, and there is nothing wrong with me. I am truly a part of this whole creation. Most importantly, God is within me and all that I've ever needed to know, I know.

Being around the high vibration and frequency of a Master, I could not help but change. And change for the better! It's like hanging out with a tornado or a centrifuge. The centripetal force is so great that all that no longer serves me is shaken out of me and all that is left is a sense of purity. I look at my photos and I seem to radiate more and more light from my eyes. These are Her eyes, this is Her heart, this is Her love. With love so great, all I can do is surrender to that Love.

She has taught me a lesson of true service. What more is there in life than to serve others? Yogiji said the same, he taught me to be the forklift and to uplift others. There must be something to it if the great masters tell me the same message. I realized that to uplift others, I must uplift myself first. I must put my home in order, my life in order, my finances in order, my relationships in order before I can truly serve with integrity. What my masters taught me..... I must serve myself first and foremost before I can be of service to others. How can I save a passenger who has gone overboard if I do not know how to swim myself? That would be suicide! And the life force in me is not ready to die, it wants to live more than anything.
How do I live is the question now. It is no longer "How are you doing?" the questions shall be transformed to "How are you being?"

Yogiji said, "There is nothing more precious than the self. There is nothing more beautiful than the self. There is nothing greater than the self. Only with the self can you realize that there is a God, a Supreme Consciousness of the Supreme Self."
Spiritual excellence is simply becoming more Godlike, allowing Supreme Consciouness of the Supreme Self to radiate from within and to manifest on this plane called Earth. There is nothing greater, there is nothing more beautiful. How abstract and how profound. And it exists within. Are you ready to go within and radiate your light and touch your Spiritual excellence?

Radiating Love and Divine Light from the Central Sun,

Thi Hoang